Mud Blog

What’s going on internet viewers? Hopefully everyone had a weekend filled with peppermint roses and gum ball flavored rainbows. Wait a second, that makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Um… yeah. So let’s talk about something else that happened this weekend… I got it! How about “The Mud Bog”.

Yes, the Mud Bog. For those of you who may live in an elevated standard of society (aka, you aren’t a hick), the mud bog is an event where people come from miles around to answer the age old question…. can I drive my truck through this!? Still can’t paint a picture with your Teletubby imagination? Let me lay down the numbers for you Tinky-Winky:

First, you need to dig a big trench. The longer and wider the better. Really, you shouldn’t skimp on this step. You want a trench that King Author would be proud of. Oh, and obviously it needs to be wide enough for you to drive your (or better yet your neighbor’s) truck through. That part is key.

Second, call your local fire company and have them come over and flood your trench. Not so deep that it becomes a raging torrent you could use to keep the black knight at bay, but deep enough that you can make about three feet of mud. Mix up the mud really well, you want it to be at just the right consistency, kinda like a McDonald’s Chocolate Shake.

Finally, take your (or better yet your neighbor’s) truck and try to drive though your slippery mud trench as quickly as possible. Don’t worry about spectators for your magical mudtastic event, as they will appear out of the four corners of hickdum to cheer you on; or laugh uncontrollably when you get your (or better yet your neighbor’s) truck stuck in the McDonal’s Chocolate Shake Trench. Sounds tasty, I know!

So there you have it, three easy steps to hosting your very own mud bog in your backyard or local rec center. I would highly recommend trying it too. It really attracts some interesting people. For instance, at the mud bog I was at, the typical spectator ranged from a guy larger than the king of sea cows (with full on mountain man beard and hair) to a guy who had his pants hiked up past his chest and a large belt buckle on his side. Classic. And of course the mullets. Oh the mullets. It really was a good time. If you haven’t been to a mud bog, you should. Let the mud wave hit you and show you the light!

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