Joelika.com

Daylight Spandex Time

Happy Daylight Savings time everyone! I’m sure that’s something you’re not used to hearing. Most people dread Daylight Savings time, unless you live in Indianapolis and your local government just decided to not abide by it. In which case, you smell. I’ve been preparing for Daylight Savings time for over a week now; why do you think I didn’t update last week? No, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get off my lazy duff. I was making important preparations for the shock of losing an hours worth of sleep… by sleeping less and eating more candy. Sugar!

So in celebration of Daylight Savings time, I thought I’d use the extra hour of daylight to do something productive. That’s right, I thought I’d go outside and ride my bike, you know, to exercise my ghettolishous booty. It is kinda a tradition for me on the first full day of Daylight Savings time to go outside and try to work off some of those Easter pounds… or at least since about two seconds ago since I just made it up.

Now if you know me, you know I don’t run. In fact, I only run for three reasons. The first being if something extremely scary is chasing me, like a big old dog or the Wicked Witch of the West (warts scare me, OK!). Second if there is an opening in the line to the food buffet. Or Lastly, if there is incredibly attractive girl out of reach… Hey there, what’s your name?

So instead of looking like I am in a constant state of pain, I ride my bike. And no, I’m not hardcore into that either, I don’t own any spandex. I think if you wear a spandex biking outfit only to ride around your house, you may want to reconsider your definition of a casual sport. You don’t need to shave a hundredth of a second off your time, nor does anyone like seeing you and your package perusing around the neighborhood. It is disturbing, and perhaps you should take up swimming, where you are underwater.

But other than being blinded by hot spandex suits, the biking went as well as it could for an out of shape fat guy riding on two wheels. Comical really. I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow, and never want to go riding again. Ah, don’t you love exercise? It makes me feel so manly… I think I’ll go grab a Big Bacon Classic. Killer.

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