You’ll Never Know

It’s that time of year again folks. That’s right, it’s that time when millions of American’s try oh so hard to find a date for V-Day so they don’t look like the biggest loser on the planet. What about me? Oh well, you know… my girlfriend wishes she could be here, but she’s out in Columbia shooting a calendar for pure Colombian Black Coffee Roast, the richest Colombian Black Coffee Roast to come out of Northern New Jersey… yeah. I know, it’s rough, but with your financial contribution, I just might be able to afford that emergency bunion surgery…

But for those of you less fortunate then me who are stuck at home without a date, don’t worry, it isn’t the end of the world. Just think of all those people struck by cupid’s arrow who are out spending fist fulls of cash in order to gain the chance to get lucky… I mean, show their true love for their oh so special someone. You on the other hand, you can still go through all the same motions of buying sweet gifts like chocolate hearts, jewelry, or even sexy boxer briefs, except instead of giving them away, you can keep it all for yourself (and we all know that you wear sexy boxerbreifs for yourself anyway…)! It is like a second Christmas, only with delicious heart shaped boxes full of candy. I plan on stuffing my chipmunk cheeks so full of chocolate, come tomorrow morning you’ll find my V-Day style diamond heart shaped bling pendants (yes, as in more than one… I have a lot of love to give…) covered by my brown chocolate drool trail. I’m a pretty boy… I’m a PRETTY BOY!

But seriously, if you are looking for something to distract your mind from not having a lame date this evening, you can always hop on over to the gallery and watch the Birds Of Prey. Kung Fu Movies are way better then having to bathe for a date all because a certain someone thinks you smell like a stank butt when perhaps they should try wearing something that smells a little less like a french whore… Plus, you never know, maybe if your lucky, you and the Birds Of Prey gang can share in some “just friends” spooning, if that’s the kind of thing you need to feel complete on V-Day.

I don’t know if I’ll manage an update for Wednesday. If not, I’ll see everyone back here on Friday. I’ve got candy in my heels, so I’m off to dance!

trackback | permalinkComments Feed

Comments are closed.