Gobble Gobble Giblets

I wanted to post an update the other day, but probably like many of you, I wasn’t able to shake off my turkey drunk Thanksgiving Day festivities until, well, right now. So now instead you get this super awesome Saturday update from Junianta County. That’s right, with the help of my GPRS enabled cell phone, this update is being brought to you from atop of some redneck mountain. So sit back, relax, and “get er done”.

So the Christmas season is finally upon us. Yes, I am quite aware the malls have been playing Christmas music since about the middle of August and even a Wal Mart I visited in Reading had a mechanical Santa Clause outside since probably July, but those people are just freaks, and all that really matters is what I say. And even though it is now officially Yule Time Joy, I am really amazed on how many people found the time to completely pimp out their homes. I am talking about flashing lights, candy cane spinners, flying reindeer; an entire X-Mas Extravaganza. I mean, my Friday consisted of foggy memories of the Alamo, and I know I wasn’t anywhere near Texas. So to everyone who found the time to pimp out their homes Santa Style, rock on! Next year, eat more turkey, you’ve earned it.

Wow, who would have though just how many of you would be so completely traumatized by the cancellation of the semiannual food eating contest. Believe me, I know that it is something holy and sacred that only comes around once a year, but the amount of threats on my personal life, well, it has been staggering…. OK, so I haven’t gotten a single threat, but still, I think if I would have participated in the fat fest, I would have been soarly beaten. Except of course by Johnny Alien, since he rocks to hard to be fat, like me. But hopefully next year the gluttony can begin anew and everyone will again rejoice in a our stomach cramps and convulsions.

I’ll be up here in Junianta County until Monday evening, which for those of you in the know, is the first day of Buck Season in PA. Now, I’m not really a hunter per say, I just told my dad I would go to keep him company, plus, it gives me an excuse to skip out on work and classes. Besides, who wouldn’t want to sit around all day, eat, and shoot guns at random crap? It is a core foundation of what it is to be American…. Huh? Terrorist also like to sit around, eat, and shoot firearms at random crap too? Well, yeah… but at least we do it in a democratic manner. Who wants to shoot this 50lb tub of baked beans? Wicked!

The next update should be on its normal Tuesday time. Until then, everyone enjoy the last days of their Thanksgiving Breaks… and keep eating those turkey sandwiches.

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